A little over two months ago, I put $14 down on University of Kentucky quarterback Will Levis to be the first pick in next year’s NFL draft at +2500 odds.

I don’t really follow college football closely, but I read something somewhere about Levis potentially eclipsing CJ Stroud of Ohio State and Bryce Young of Alabama.

So, at +2500 odds, I figured why not, especially because I’ll be betting the NFL draft markets early, often, and with an eye toward arbitrage. Felt like there was little I could lose here.

Having said that, the moment FanDuel offers me an opportunity to cash out of this bet, I’m taking it, and yes, this is because of the mayonnaise-in-coffee video.

I’m sure you’ve seen it by now, the video of Levis announcing to the world he “sometimes” puts mayonnaise in his coffee, followed by him squeezing a good chunk of a bottle of Hellemans into his morning brew. It is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Have you ever had Mayonnaise with your morning coffee?UKFootball</a> QB <a href="https://twitter.com/will_levis?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">will_levis is known to dabble w/ said combo 😳 pic.twitter.com/ZuR92Toa4m— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) July 20, 2022

Have you ever had Mayonnaise with your morning coffee?UKFootball</a> QB <a href="https://twitter.com/will_levis?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">will_levis is known to dabble w/ said combo 😳 pic.twitter.com/ZuR92Toa4m

By the way, I’m not kidding. I am cashing out this bet if given the chance. Not only that, I’m going to have a very difficult time drafting him in season long fantasy football down the road, and playing him in DFS is going to take more courage than I can probably muster.

Well, it’s a combination of the mayo and superstition.

First of all, I’m not at all superstitious, except … well, that’s a lie. I am. I hate it about myself, I don’t want to give in to stupidity, but dammit … I do. I avoid sidewalk cracks for fear of putting my mother into traction. Someone spills salt, I will force them to toss some over their left shoulder.

Those are the cliche ones that I can’t escape. But then there’s my orange Hawaiian-themed underpants, which I wore on a plane in 2000. It was an easy flight, so I wore them on the return flight. Next time I flew I made sure to wear the same pair again. And again. And again.

Fast forward to today, the underpants are nearly a quarter-century old, have zero elastic, and are ridden with holes. They are legit unwearable. But I pack them in my carry-on every time I fly.

So yes, I’m superstitious, as much as it pains me to admit it.

And that’s why I only started drafting New York Jets players for my season long and DFS contests in recent years. They had been banned from my teams since 1986, my first year playing fantasy football (really). I traded Mark Duper for Al Toon. It was a touchdown only league. It was mid-November. Toon scored zero TDs the rest of the way. Duper scored five. It cost me the OG championship.

I vowed to never draft a Jet again.

And I didn’t, for probably 25 years. No joke. I would literally cross the Jets out of my player pool. I finally caved – I don’t remember the details of the who or when – but I do remember finishing in the bottom half of the standings that year. (Worth noting: I’m heavy into Zach Wilson and his wideouts this year in Underdog best ball. Fingers crossed, which is another one of my superstitions …)

Anyway, so once I saw Levis with the mayo … well, I got that Jets feeling all over again.

See, I hate mayonnaise with an irrational passion. I will allow it in my tuna fish, mixed in, but the idea of slathering mayo on bread and matching it with anything makes my skin crawl. And now that I’ve seen Levis do this … yeah. Jets vibes.

I once – and I wish I was making this up – walked into a hoagie shop (you know, sub, grinder, hero, po ‘boy, etc.) and ordered an Italian hoagie.

To be clear: I live in New Jersey, where nearly 20% of residents claim Italian ancestry. And the standard Italian hoagie is the meats (ham, capicola, Genoa salami, maybe pepperoni or prosciutto, whatever you like) along with provolone, iceberg lettuce, chopped yellow onion, salt, pepper, oregano (pronounced “saltpepparegeno”) and oil and vinegar.

Another way to say all the above is “Gimme half an Italian with everything,” which is exactly what I said one day and I was met with – and I kid you not – “Mayo too?”

I’d like to say I didn’t yell at the kid behind the counter, but I did. I said, “What? No! People order that?”

He told me I’d be surprised.

I mean …. putting mayonnaise on an Italian hoagie … it’s like … I mean, if God was A) from New Jersey and B) re-doing the 10 Commandments, this would make it. “Thou shalt not put mayo on an Italian hoagie.” Stick it between the don’t covet thy neighbor’s wife thing and bearing false witness. Ditch the “thou shall not murder,” as we’ve evolved to the point where we know that’s a no-no, replace it with the mayo bit, and move on.

And watching Levis squirt mayonnaise into this coffee – and then drink it, heavens to Betsy – was too much for me. I will legit never forget it. I will never be able to click that dude’s name without thinking about the mayo.

I can’t have that stress in my world. No way.

Will Levis is off my list. Forever. I can only hope the Jets somehow end up with him. That would really make my life simpler.

Jeff is a veteran journalist, now working with SportsHandle.com and USB ets.com as a senior analyst. He’s also an avid sports bettor and DFS player, and cannot, for the life of him, get off the chalk. He can be reached at jedelstein@bettercollective.com.

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